I just don't even know where to begin.. I've been avoiding blogging (all together) because, in my mind, when I complete this post; the end result seems so much more "real" & it is so hard to feel these feelings!
Ok, here I go..*deep breath*
My Beloved, Most Amazing, Truly Devoted, Four-legged Love of My Life, became an Angel in Heaven on Nov. 14, 2009.
I come from a "broken" family & no one has been in my life consistently for the past 14 years but HIM! Life is so hard without him!
The summer before my senior year (JHS Class of '96), I was staying at my grandparents house, when I was awoken by my grandma hollering at me, "Steph, they have Scotties in the paper for sale. If you want one, you will have to call and get the details." I think it took me one leap to get from her bed to the living room to make that call.
Later that morning, we drove to Kimberly (or somewhere by there) to pick him up. We were greeted by a sweet family who told us that the little girl had Leukemia & her grandparents bought her the dogs to breed (AKC)& sale to raise money for her treatments. They led me out back to the kennel where the last two (male) puppies were. At first I had picked up the other one, but as I looked back at his brother, sitting there with one ear up and one down, I knew that he was the ONE for me. So, I kissed the other guy, and chose My Love.
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We drove home & showed my grandpa who I got & he simply said to me, "You spent how much on that thing? Oh, well, if it's what you want, then I'm happy!" We went through the Dog Names book to find a great Scottish name for him, and I loved the story of The Knights of the Round table, so with that, he was named: Sir Lancelot Yves McDuff.
My mom told me from the very beginning that she was not going to raise him-if I was going somewhere, he had to go with me. I was fine with that; I always felt safe when he was with me. Since I was a cheerleader, and gone a lot, he quickly became like a little mascot for our team (GO TIGERS) & I had friends in the crowd who would watch him for me. One only had to look at him to know he was so Proud to be wherever I was.
After graduation, I moved to Twin Falls for about a year. (hands down the most terrible year ever) We then moved to Boise, and have lived here since. Yves was so protective that he would never allow anyone to hurt me, even if it was a joke. Although My Love was little in stature, he had a huge ego. He would pick a fight with any male dog, regardless of it's size.
When I was pregnant with my first son, he was NOT going to give up riding on my lap in the car, even when that ride meant that he would have to sit on my HUGE belly.
He even had a girlfriend for a few years. She was a husky mix named, Syrus. Oh, he loved her!
The relationship he shared with my oldest didn't get off on the right foot. When Sage was just a couple months old, we took him out of the bath & placed him on our bed on a towel. Yves jumped up there to make sure that Sage wasn't getting more attention that he, and Sage rolled over & grabbed Yves nut-sack. Yves yelped & jumped up, and Sage didn't let go. He had those tiny, sticky, hold tight to what he wants hands at the time. Brad & I laughed until we cried. It was the funniest thing to watch. Needless to say, Yves didn't like it, and held a grudge for a LOOONG time!
He ended up being a fabulous big brother!
We were joined by our female Scottie, Lady Cloe Guinevere Marie McDuff in 2001. She was such a sweetie pie to him. You could always tell that the held each other in the highest regard!
We took him absolutely everywhere with us! If we went camping, he came.. if we stayed in a hotel, so did he. He truly was a part of our family & always will be!
During the past couple of months we could tell that he was acting more his age & moving quite slow, etc. I knew that his passing was coming, but I couldn't deal with it! I tried calling my grandparents, but they would not take my calls for three weeks :( I called my dad (because he lost his Love, Jock, this summer) & cried & cried until he told me something that echoed through my heart like a rock. He said, "Hun, you are not a person who would inflict any pain on another human being, and you know what you need to do." I bawled and bawled telling him that I just couldn't.
Brad & I discussed the cremation, etc. & decided to do it the next day (Sunday).
That Saturday, I held him and cried to him, telling him that I've never loved anything like I love him & that I am so proud of him & all that he has done for me. I just kept telling him over and over how much I love him & he was just so sweet to me.. he kept kissing me, and in his own way, assuring me that he would always watch out for me & never leave me, & would be waiting for me when I cross over. I can feel him kissing me even as I type this.. I miss him SO MUCH!!!
I left the house with Wendy to go to a healing fair & run a couple of errands. After we arrived home, we met Brad in the kitchen to show him our treasures, then, I looked at him & all of a sudden, he broke out in tears telling me that "He didn't make it!" When I realized that he was telling me that Yves passed away, I passed out. Right there, right then, I wanted to crawl in a hole & stay there until the pain went away. I cried like I haven't cried in my entire life. When I came to, there was Brad & Wendy rubbing my back, giving me condolences, etc.
I lost a pregnancy at 14 weeks, and know that losing him felt just like losing a child for me.
Life will never be the same without him.
We Love You Yves!!
